On September 17th, 2007 I became a mother. After working as a pediatric nurse for almost 6 years, I had “educated” so many people in the pediatric ER about basic baby care from how to suction a stuffy nose to what to do when fever occurs. I remember being shocked at how little people seemed to know about basic infant care.

Then motherhood happened to me. I forgot everything I had been teaching others and became an insecure, frightened parent when it came to my own child. During those first weeks home I called my pediatrician because my baby had not pooped for 24 hours. If I had triaged that phone call from myself, I knew what I would have said: not something to worry about as long as baby is eating well and having at least 6-8 wet diapers a day. But the new mom in me was terrified that something was wrong. The terrified mommy wins over the rational nurse every time. I remember going to my pediatrician when Molly was 1 month old and asking her not to tell anyone that I was a pediatric nurse.

In my defense I have been doing pediatric hematology oncology for the last three years so even my knowledge of well baby stuff was rusty. But still. I was disgusted with myself and embarrassed at my complete loss of composure over taking care of my own child.

The addition of mommy doubt and anxiety to my life and my new identity as a parent gave me a new understanding of what parents of sick or well children might need from their health care providers.

Parents need to know that we are listening to their concerns first, diagnosing and treating with those anxieties and fears in mind. How often do jaded health care providers dismiss the seemingly overanxious parent and tell them not to worry about something without having actively listened first and then provided basic education. My own experience with this occurred when Molly was 3 months old. She seemed to be sleeping much more than normal. The new mommy in me called my pediatrician and they told me to bring her in. So I did, even though the rational nurse in me knew Molly was OK, anxious mommy alter ego was in the car 5 minutes later. Once there, Molly was fine of course, but I didn’t feel that I had the chance to explain why I was worried. My pediatrician saw the nontoxic looking 3 month old in front of him and we were out the door in 5 minutes. I did not get what I needed because I still did not fully understand why she was acting so differently.

Healthcare providers do not spend enough time providing developmental guidance and assistance with basic childrearing issues. Most pediatric well visits are brief and do not afford parents the chance to really check in with how parenting is going. Most patients will initially say that everything is going well the first time they are asked. But parents need us to provide more support, especially since people are more isolated from each other but are able to Google almost any health topic and educate themselves. There is a great deal of information out there in the internet, but one must be discerning about information. Pediatric healthcare providers have the opportunity to help parents sort through this information.

I have read many books written by medical professionals about pediatric care, but I find the Touchpoints approach by T. Berry Brazelton to be a very holistic and comprehensive approach to how pediatric care providers interact with their patients. http://www.touchpoints.org/

Through my own experiences as a new mother, my ability to serve my patients as a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner has grown significantly. I have a much better understanding of parents. I understood a great deal about the textbook topics of pediatric nursing care, but had never lived the reality of caring for a little human being 24/7.

On the flip side I have to be Molly’s mom first and foremost and let the nurse go take a nap when it comes to my own child. That tired nurse gets some sleep for a change.